This message was delivered orally at a winter retreat on the evening of February 6, 2010 to a gathering of 22 college students. It has been edited for the transition from oral to written communication.
I have an exceptionally creative mom. When I was younger, around elementary school age, my mom would throw me really awesome birthday parties. These were not your average cake and ice cream kind of party. We’re talking like, she would write stories for these parties, they would be “adventures” for all the kids. These parties would have a plot line to them. My fifth birthday was pirate themed, so my mom wrote a series of rhyming clues and put them around the house leading the troupe of twenty kids to the full-size treasure chest buried in the back yard. My seventh birthday was batman themed, and my mom created a bat cave in the garage. So we had some serious birthday parties.
When my eleventh birthday rolled around, I happened to be a tad obsessed with Harry Potter, so that was the obvious choice for the theme. I worked with my mom to pull out all the stops and make this a birthday to really remember. Here was the basic plan: all my guests and I would follow a string of clues in pursuit of finding the Sorcerer’s Stone, which the infamous Lord Voldemort had stolen once again according to our little story line. Here’s where it really got good though. Part way into the hunt, I would inconspicuously depart from the group and go into the house to change into my homemade Harry Potter costume. Then, as the rest of the group had nearly reached the end of the string of clues, I would secretly go to the front yard (dressed as Harry Potter) and ascend a ladder to the top of a zip line. Yes, a zip line. The final clue would lead the rest of the group to come running to the front yard in order to see how they would finally retrieve the Sorcerer’s Stone. When the group arrived, they would watch in awe as a spotlight shone up in the trees and Harry Potter himself would fly in from above, wand a-blazing, and return to them the Sorcerer’s Stone, which their brave actions had enabled him to take from Voldemort. After giving the stone to his stunned onlookers, Landon—I mean, Harry Potter—would depart from the scene.
That was the vision.
When the actual night of the party came around, things went pretty smoothly at first. I managed to depart from the group and change into my costume secretly, and was successfully perched at the top of the zip line waiting for my moment of glory. Just as planned, the group of partygoers came running from the back yard right on schedule. The spotlight came on, and cinematic music blared from the house. I was the center of attention. I was…Harry Potter. So I zipped down the zip line and landed gracefully among my peers, preparing to give them the gift that they had so eagerly sought.
But then, the unthinkable happened. A few of my guests began exclaiming, “It’s Landon! That’s not Harry Potter! Hey Landon, I know it’s you!”
I was angry. They were squashing my identity as Harry Potter. They were making it impossible for me to think I was fooling anybody. I mentioned earlier that I came in “wand a-blazing”. This was literal. I had a huge sparkler in my hand, and I began to hit these offenders with the end of the sparkler in an attempt to stop them from ruining my charade. Of course, this only caused my mom to exclaim, “Landon, stop! Don’t do that!” Now the jig was really up. Once my mom called me by name, nobody else was going to be fooled. I broke into tears, dropped the Sorcerer’s Stone, and ran into the house for a few minutes of mourning the death of my alter ego.
Now, I’m willing to bet that you’ve probably never been upset because someone pointed out that you were not Harry Potter. But can you think of a time where you tried to get someone to think you were something that you were not? Can you think of a time where you tried to put on a show to get others to like or accept you? I’ve had experiences with this consistently throughout my life. There have been times where right after praying a prayer in front of a group, I realize that I hadn’t said one word to God. I had simply given a speech for the people listening. Or sometimes, I’ll be in the middle of a worship session and realize I’m not praising God, I’m just doing what everyone else is doing.
Then there’s times when I’ll be around non-Christians, and I’ll just do what it takes to fit in. I’ll make a sarcastic comment to make fun of someone just because that’s what others are doing. In these times, it seems that God just goes on the shelf.
Why do we seem to have these tendencies to conform to those around us—to fool them into thinking we’re something we’re not—instead of holding on to our identity in Christ no matter what social circle we’re in? Why can’t we hold on to living one life that spans all our different relational contexts?
First, I want to look at why this problem even occurs. Why do we even have multiple circles of relationship? I mean, why not just hang out with Christians all the time? Why not have community exclusively with non-Christians? It may seem obvious, but I think that it’s worth stating.
The answer is that we are called to have relationships with both Christians and non-Christians. Like I said, it’s obvious, but let’s look at the basis for this truth.
First, we are called to have fellowship with other Christians.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says:
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
So we are called to have community together in order to encourage one another, and to help one another grow in Christ. The journey with God is not meant to be pursued alone. We’re supposed to have support that enables us to be more than we could be by ourselves.
Moreover, having relationships with other Christians does often bring us great comfort. It can be tough out there. The world is a rough place, and there will be times where you need a safe haven to recover, and relationships with Christians are a great place for that.
Okay, so we are called to have fellowship with other Christians.
The second fact we can consider is that we are called to be a light to the rest of the world.
Matthew 5:14-16 says:
You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
So we are supposed to be present in the world. We shouldn’t be able to go out into our community and be invisible. We are called to be a light and serve as representatives for God here on Earth. If we want to do that, we must necessarily have relationships with non-Christian people—relationships that are full of love and grace. We can’t shine as a light to them if we aren’t among them.
So we have two big points here. One: We are supposed to have community with Christians, and Two: We are supposed to be a light to non-Christians, which requires having relationships with them. If we have relationships with both groups, there will inevitably be times where we are surrounded by one or the other. Since we have multiple circles of relationship, we automatically have potential to live double lives.
So really, the question we want to ask ourselves is this. Is my life consistent within my different circles of relationship?
If the answer is no, I think that there are two main ways that we can be inconsistent.
The first way is that we can “act Christian” around Christians. I think it’s easy to seek the company of other Christians as a refuge from the difficulty of living in the world. Like I said, we do live in a very tough world. It’s easy to feel beat down and belittled by the powers that be. There aren’t a whole lot of people out there who are willing to spread love rather than criticism and mockery. We come into a Christian community and it might feel like a breath of fresh air. We start to feel really loved and cared for, and we want to keep those people loving us and caring about us. We might cling to our Christian friends when we start feeling bombarded. This isn’t even inherently bad—we are called to have community with other Christians for encouragement and growth like I mentioned earlier from Hebrews 10:24, and our Christian communities are a vital resource for keeping energized in the face of difficulty.
The problem arises, however, when we try to alter our behavior just to fit in with Christians—just to make them like us. And maybe it’s even a good thing that we’re changing how we act, but it needs to stem from the motive of aligning ourselves with God rather than aligning ourselves with people.
I know that this paradigm has led me to act very “spiritual and put together” simply for the purpose of keeping the happy structure of my Christian relationships alive. We start out our relationships with a sort of honeymoon period where it’s superficial enough that the relationship is pretty easy and carefree. We can simply enjoy the company of others and enjoy the supportive environment they supply. But it can really mess up the mood of the group when you let out your dirt for everyone to see. It puts an end to that honeymoon period when we start to let others see what is wrong with us. So we try to just keep the façade up so everything proceeds comfortably. We do “the Christian thing to do” to mask our inner problems.
Scripture has a great deal to say about this.
In Mark 7:6, Jesus says:
“Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written; “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.”
Doesn’t this describe us sometimes? It sounds really good to say fervently that you want what God wants, and he’s your reason for living, and he’s so good. But it means nothing if we don’t say such things out of the sincerity of our hearts.
In Matthew 23:27, Jesus says:
Woe to you teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.
Don’t we sometimes pay a little more attention to what we show on the outside than what’s really going on on the inside? I think that the immediacy of those around us compared to the relative intangibility of God can lead us to give them more attention, and thus give what they see more attention than what God sees.
Here’s the thing, God doesn’t want the show. He doesn’t want you to look perfect. He knows you’re not perfect, and he loves every little imperfect bit of you. So he doesn’t want some charade where you look perfect on the outside so all the Christians think well of you. God doesn’t want the whitewashed tomb. What God does want is your heart.
And the beautiful thing is that when we make all that we do come from our heart, we don’t have to worry about putting on a show for our Christian friends to look perfect. There is tremendous freedom simply in letting your close Christian friends know about your dirt. Odds are, they’ve probably gone through a lot of the same things, and they might even be able to help you get past it. It is when we are authentic with one another that the Christian community really becomes effective, because then it serves as a true refuge where we can share with one another our burdens and struggles, and have support in bearing those things.
So the first potential problem we might run into is “acting Christian” around other Christians. Putting on a show that doesn’t reflect the sincerity of our hearts.
The second problem that we face is “abandoning Christ” around non-Christians.
I think that it’s easy to have a sincere experience with God in a Christian setting, and then return to a non-Christian circle of relationships and totally leave God out of our lives. I think that our reasons for doing this are slightly different than the reasons that we might “act Christian” around Christians. While we may try to blend in with Christians so that they like us, I think we try to blend in with non-Christians so that they don’t reject us. I can recall so many times when I’ve been with non-Christian friends and have simply laughed along with everyone else so that I wouldn’t become the one everyone was laughing at. At the root of this problem—abandoning Christ—is fear. We fear rejection. We fear humiliation. We fear being labeled as “the weird Christian”.
So when the situation calls for it, it’s easy to abandon our calling in Christ and do what everyone else is doing.
There’s a verse regarding this in Matthew 10:28. It says:
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Wow. I’m not much of a fire and brimstone guy, but that’s heavy stuff. I have to ask myself, in my everyday life, do my actions show a fear of being rejected by people, or do my actions show a fear of God? Who is it that I’m trying to impress?
Another verse, Matthew 10:32-33,
Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.
Ouch. Do I own up to my relationship with God around non-Christians? Do I put God on a shelf when it’s convenient for me? Am I afraid to be labeled as a Christian? I know that for me, the answer is often yes. There are times when it is hard to let people know who you are.
And you know, that’s okay. There will be times where it’s difficult to own up to who we are and there’s little we can do to get rid of our discomfort in those times. But it’s the potential to give in to that discomfort and let it dictate our actions that make it dangerous.
We do have great encouragement in this, however. Because as hard as it might be to keep our relationship with God as a constant in our lives, we know that God is constant. He will not abandon you. Even if others persecute you, we have the great encouragement that God will never forsake you.
Psalm 94, verse 3 says this:
O LORD, how long will the wicked be jubilant? They pour out arrogant words; all the evildoers are full of boasting. They crush your people, O LORD; they oppress your inheritance.
In other words, “God, your people are hurting at the hands of others.”
But it goes on to say in verse 12,
Blessed is the man you discipline, O LORD, the man you teach from your law; you grant him relief from days of trouble, till a pit is dug for the wicked. For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.
Then at verse 17,
Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
My favorite part is the image of my foot slipping. I think that is the image of that moment where I’m sitting on the fence between doing what I know is right and doing what is comfortable. I’m in that tension between deciding who I will fear today. That moment where I’m not sure if I can let these people know that I’m one of those Christians. In that moment, “your love, O LORD, supported me.” I love that. God will not let go. He will be our support in the face of fear. We just have to put our trust in Him.
So we have these two main issues that we face. One: “Acting Christian” around Christians, and Two: “Abandoning Christ” around non-Christians. Now what can we do about it? What will it take to change? After all, I don’t want to live my life trying to make people think I’m Harry Potter. I want to be Landon. How do we escape this pattern of inconsistency and showmanship?
I think that a big part of solving both problems is making sure you have an authentic relationship with Christ. Our relationship with Christ needs to serve as the fundamental core of our identity. It has to be our primary concern. If we are firmly rooted in Christ, then we won’t have to put on an act that makes it look like we are. Furthermore, when we go out into our non-Christian circles, being rooted in Christ will enable us to hold fast to our connection with him, and will enable us to really shine as a light to those around us.
So that’s the thing to really be watching for. Do I have an authentic, real relationship with Christ?
Another great tool for us in trying to maintain one life is having an accountability partner—just someone who you can meet with regularly to talk to about your issues, someone who can hold you accountable in trying to maintain your goals. Having an accountability partner is great because it can wipe out both the problems we talked about earlier. Do you struggle with putting on a show for Christians? Talking to a Christian friend about your struggles is a perfect remedy for that. It will help you be real with them, and odds are they probably struggle with similar things and will be a huge support to you as you grow together.
What if you struggle more with holding on to your identity when you go into non-Christian circles? Your accountability partner can help keep it on the front of your mind so that you don’t just keep repeating the same patterns over and over. Moreover, they can offer you support with any new struggles that you might hit when you finally run into persecution for your lifestyle. So if you guys don’t have an accountability partner already, I’d really encourage you to seek one out.
One last point. I think it helps to realize that we have a lot to gain from maintaining one consistent life rooted in Christ. Not only do we get a huge benefit in our relationship with God, but we also reap great rewards just in our everyday lives. For example, if you are real with your Christian friends, you will never have to feel like you’re always trying to stay in character. I mean, what a relief, right? We don’t have to always be thinking about how we can cover up our mess. Furthermore, your authenticity will cause even closer connections with your Christian friends as you struggle together. Or if you have a hard time holding on to Christ with non-Christians, maintaining one life will free you from this game of trying to avoid rejection and enable you to shine as a light without worrying about getting labeled or stigmatized.
Really, we stand a lot to gain if we embrace a singular identity in Christ.
